Sex Confession

what to do??

novapark, Female, 33, Australia, sydney

I have been married for 4 years now. and we have a daughter 1 year old.
i now dread having sex with my husband. he wants it from me i always say to him i am so soo tired. i feel sorry for him as i do not enjoy it
also i have put on some weight since the birth of my daughter

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Muntjac, Male, 60, United Kingdom, London

17-4-2008

Stop worrying! This seems a big problem at the moment but it will change as your hormones etc. settle down. I am a man and know from being twice married that these things happen, it did to me. What you should do is to explain to your man how you feel and reassure him that it is not connected with your love for him, it is just a temporary physical thing that you are passing through. However, if he is anything like me in that situation he will be very sexually frustrated but may not want to tell you. What you don't need is for him to start wondering about sex with someone else! This may sound a bit basic, but if a man doesn't get regular sex his juices build up and he feels tense and unloved, but you don't actually have to have sex to solve this for him. You just need to wank him off nicely in a relaxed, warm environment, while you concentrate entirely on him and don't worry about yourself. Different men like it in different ways, some shoot off quickly from hand-wanking while others take a long time, and you must not pressure him to "make it" until he is ready. If he isn't circumcised it is easier to bring him off because the foreskin slides nicely over the head, but also while doing this make sure you stroke and lick him wherever he is sensitive. If he is circumcised he may need some lubrication to stop the head of his penis getting sore, just apply a little lotion every now and again and DO NOT HURRY HIM unless he requests it. The other brilliant thing, and men really love it, is to start him off by gently sucking his penis. I may be telling you lots of things you already know, but some women don't like doing oral sex, and their man really misses out. Again, reactions are different - I once had 2 friends who went out with each other and she told me that when she sucked him he shot it off almost immediately, other people ( me included ) love the oral contact, it drives me wild to feel a tongue round my glans and the softness and intimacy of a mouth, but for some reason I can't shoot it off there. The only time I can is when we've been having sex without a condom and I pull out just before shooting-off and my partner takes it in the mouth and then sucks me off just as my orgasm reflex is taking over. Some women feel worried about the taste of the fluid, but I'm told it is just salty, and harmless. If you can't bear to swallow it, just concentrate on how much you love him and want to keep him, DO NOT spit it out (it feels like rejection to a man even if it isn't) but if you ask him to tell you when it is about to shoot off, say you want to catch it on your outstretched tongue - that gives you a chance to let it dribble off slowly once it has hit you - or tell him you'd love it if he comes all over your face, you could help him wank it off for that last few seconds, and for whatever reason I can tell you that it is a really erotic experience for a man, I think it isn't so much a dominance thing as an expression of closeness. It is also quite erotic to shoot off spunk all over a lover's breasts, and I know some men can come to orgasm by thrusting between the breasts, maybe with a little lubricant. I can't quite "make it" that way but I like the feelings, and to rub my sensitive part across a nipple is really nice too. So, what you need to do is to see what he likes and to lovingly do it, even if you personally feel as cold as ice about sex. Think about your long-term future, I have a saying which is that a de-spunked man is a happy man - crude maybe, but true! Maybe also, having told him about your temporary problem, you could ask him to "service" you by hand or mouth, telling him that it may lead to nothing but that you value the closeness. Just asking to gently play with your clitoris while you cuddle him or stroke his penis may eventually "wake things up". If nothing happens quickly, think nothing of it. And whatever you do, never fake an orgasm. I would find that really insulting, I'd rather you didn't come that pretend to, and he is probably the same. I'm assuming in all this that there was a time when you did feel sexy with him and that it did all go wellm, ie that you could bvring each other off and feel good about it? Sorry to take so long about all this, but it is SO important to get the sex right...a frustrated man is a dangerous man, believe me I wandered into the arms of several women because I felt so unloved at home through lack of sex. I learned a lot, of course, by experiencing the sexual responses of so many different women, but in the end nothing can beat a close and sexual home relationship with an inventive partner who loves you. Please do get back to me if any of this is not clear or if I can help in any way.

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