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Confession

Nearly 4 year affair with actor's father to my deep regret and fear.

starlightaura, Female, 52, USA, Indianapolis

I feel I can't type it all out again here. I have typed my entire account of it all on http://www.myspace.com/eerie_pomona_shadow

I will just say this: I used to be so green to the ways of the world, so sheltered, so protected, and so naive.

I had an affair with David Christensen. I fell in love with him...and he used me. He kept me hanging on and hanging on...until everything began to crumble. I don't blame him entirely. I blame myself for being a fool and for falling for him...getting involved with him. He hurt me...he threatened me...he criminally got into my yahoo email account and deleted over 1,000 emails...but never checked to delete the trash. I reported him to the police..but never pressed charges.

He wanted me to have a sexual relationship with a woman in front of him. He got me pregnant and neglected me. I lost the baby and became bitter. However, I loved him so much. I had never fallen in love before....nor with a married man. I can't type it all here. But you can read my blogs. I want people to know. I'll be removing the blogs from public viewing soon. I am scared of David Christensen...and I am afraid he will punish me somehow for admitting everything to my family and his family or for just saying anything period publicly. He told me for nearly 4 years....don't say anything to anyone. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to lose him...I was in love with him. It's so easy to take advantage of a foolish woman who needs emotional support...who has been a victim of sexual abuse all of her life...or at least has suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

I am married
I have a grown daughter age 18
I was a church pianist and involved heavily in Independent Fundamental Baptist Church (which I detest now) but had been involved all my life.
I didn't work outside my home and home schooled my daughter.
I was a website designer

he is married
He's a businessman into digital printing and software development
he has 4 grown children
his son is actor Hayden Christensen from the Star Wars prequels.

David is a real creep. I am a real fool. I am also scared of what he will do to me when I am not looking. I think the only way I can face my fears is to tell all my secrets that he told me never to say. I think the only way not to be afraid is to admit everything to anyone and everyone.

When I was only 4 years old I was sexually abused...for nearly 10 years. I had been filmed and was used for child pornography. My twin sister and I both were used and many other children suffered the same abuse from those perverts.

David Christensen threatened he would hurt me...he stated he would publicly humiliate me...and he still had all my photos to do whatever he wanted.

I am being punished because when his daughter called me I admitted our relationship to her when he wanted me to lie. He wanted to continue to use me and make me out to be some kind of loony.

After all his abuse, screaming, yelling and his threats I decided to write it all out. Dealing with it all has been a tremendous burden and very painful. So I wrote it all out as I dealt with it. It's not the easiest thing to read.

It's called Northbound Wind. Read it if you want to.

Other than that my confession is this....I was a fool to fall in love for the first time in my life with a man who only wanted to use me. My life seems it will never recover....but I don't know what the future holds for me.






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