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Confession

I check my boyfriend's e-mail all the time behind his back

emailchecker2009, Female, 45, USA, Rochester, NY

Since the new year, I have been checking my boyfriend's email on a daily basis. I installed a keyboard logger on my computer at the end of the year and he asked to use my computer to check his e-mail when he was at my place one day. I was so excited at the opportunity to finally be able to capture his login and password I could hardly contain myself. He checked his e-mail, the keyboard logger captured his information, and I was in business when he left my place to go to work.

I never had any sort a reason to suspect him of anything underhanded until one day about a month ago when he checked his e-mail on my computer and left his e-mail up by mistake when he left my place. As I was shutting down my computer, i noticed his e-mail was up and my heart began racing and going nuts because I saw notes related to a dating website in his inbox. I closed down his e-mail, took a deep breath, took a shower, then gathered up my courage to call him and tell him that I saw his inbox but did not read anything which was absolutely true. He was very defensive on the phone which made me feel terrible and I told him so. He told me he was faithful to me and the dating website e-mails he was getting where automated and he did not know how to stop them.

My suspicions started that day so I decided to purchase and download a keyboard logging software program and just waited for the day when he would want to use my computer again. Within a couple of days, he went ahead and used my computer one day unknowing that I installed the keyboard logger. And , like I said, above, I was in business.

I check his e-mail every day. I have read all of his sent email which made me a bit angry. We have been dating for 4 months and, according to the sent mail, two months into our relationship he was responding to dating website requests he was getting. none of his responses ever turned into any official contact with anyone which I confirmed on the actual dating website because I discovered his subscription ran out (i figured out that he uses the same login and password on the dating site as his e-mail).

Just yesterday, he was in contact with an old girlfriend who had broken up with him around one year ago. Thankfully, the notes turned out to be very cleansing in that they were officially "closing the chapter" on their relationship. She had moved on less than one month after breaking up with him and he was telling her how much she had hurt him but agreed that everything happens for a reason. he even included some really nice mentions of me which made me feel good. I am glad to see that is closed officially but I wished he had told me what was going on.

I've been giving him ample opportunities to tell me what is going on in his heart and in his head but he has been keeping things bottled up. I have even gone so far as to drop hints to him by bringing up topics that he's covered in his e-mails and he has only grabbed onto a couple of my hints. I truly believe he has absolutely no idea I'm checking his e-mail each day. i feel like it is becoming an addiction and I'm feeling very terrible about it. i do not have an addictive personality so I'm shocked that I'm pursuing this inappropriate behavior. I have resolved several times to go cold turkey and stop checking but I just cannot help myself.

the ironic thing is is that he and I have become closer and closer in the last two months. he even just told me the other day that he has fallen in love with me. I adore him but am very nervous that I may find something in e-mail that will drive us apart. I don't know. I need to try to stop. That is something I do know.

Thanks for "listening".



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Comments By Other Users

ginwl, Female, 34, United Kingdom, London 19-4-2009
I would strongly advise you never to tell him what you've done... not that I disapprove!


ohman333, Male, 30, USA, staten island 23-1-2009
thats kinda messed up, but i understand where your coming from. the most important thing in a relationship is trust. and even if u do find stuff on his email how can u confront him without looking like a dick? like : hey i stole ur password and hacked into your email account. doesnt sound too good and you havent even gotten out of the gate yet. good luck with your situation though




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