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Confession

LOATHING

rihamega, Female, 29, USA, El Paso

At times like these I really hate my self. I think the only times I am truly happy is within my sleep. I find myself withdrawing into myself more and more. I just get on my bike and ride till I think that I am borderlining on empty gas or I just plug into my music and wait for the school days to end. I believe it's just because I don't like myself. I don't like how I look, I don't like how I act, this fake girl smile put on. I don't like how my life is. It's mediocre. It's boring and sometimes I just want to curl up under my blanket take all the melatonin in my cabinet and just sleep. Sleep forever and ever. Get away from the city lights that blind me, the same town that makes me want to drive down the freeway in the wrong direction. I hate the clothes that I wear, the person I am. I don't believe in that metamorphosis shit. I takes years and sometimes I don't want to wait...I just want to sleep and hope that I reawaken someone new. I take long showers letting the hot water hit my body as I lay on the bottom of the tub, I hope that the water has the magical propery that will wash me away, maybe fall down the drain and be someone new. I know I won't actually do it however. I will just go on through life screaming in my head and gradually try to change. Little by little...by little but untill then I have my sleep and slumber.

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Comments By Other Users

Boblator, Female, 29, United Kingdom, Manchester 12-5-2009
Hey hunni i think you should talk to someone and maybe you can work through it, i felt exactly the same way you did and i spoke to my mum about it. If not you mum then maybe someone else you know...maybe someone you don't know just chill and take some time off work or something... go on holiday meet new people =]




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