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i am nothing

fadingspirit, Female, 37, Australia, head in hands

i think i must be a bad mistake on this world, everything i touch crumbles and i try to stop it but it just does it anyway...i have faith but its gone from me right now and i cant seem to get that back either. i have become entangled in my own lies and other are hurting because of this. i wish -if there was some way to turn the clock back..but i cant. nobody can. i lied because i thought i wouldnt be liked if i was just myself. i dont much like myself, and seem to fail no matter how hard i try is never good enough. i thought id be found to be boring, and i didnt intend to lie, but i did and what went from a white lie has turned into a nasty ball of endless cr@p which ive caused. and i am scum. worthless and i hate myself. i am useless to anyone because i am so negative. i am surrounded by people, so why do i feel so alone? if not for the reason that i have pushed them all away. am i cursed. is this my punishment. how can i change when i dont know where to begin. i am just a nasty lowlife liar. i HATE liars, and i became one of them :(if only i had just been me. not cooked up some extravaggent story of how grand everything is and then to fall in love..and immarried...i love my husband, but i am not in love with him..i fell back in love to a man overseas, and we wanted to meet, but we never can, and i hate being me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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