Confession Im not Normalxenomorph, Male, 28, United Kingdom, not saying
From an early age ive been as freak. I used to steal off my friends, i was annoying and i was/am selfish. I constantly tell lies. I live in a fantasy world, i make up stories to get attention, make up stories and tell lies to make me sound like a good person or and exciting person. The reality is im neither of those. Ive even sometimes made up lies and stories that help other people feel better when ive tried to help them and its worked. I live fanasys in my head where i am this mighty invincable person who takes no shit from anyone who is strong and can handle a stab here or there, always fighting that kind of cr*p. I have thouights of everyone being scared of me and im this big hard man that no one messes with. I was bullied at school....that was my fault, i made up this wacky stories and told that many lies they knew and they all made me an outcast. Noone elses fault buy my own. I know im doing wrong but i still do it i dont know why. Ive made up friends who dont excist, even lovers that dont excist. When ever ive fell out with someone ive always amde THEM out to be the bad guy and not myself. Im selfish and only care for myself. The most recently incident is a woman 'X' i met her online in a chat room. Shes lovley a wonderful person. Shes had alot of sh*t in her life. I fell for her in a big way then my friend Y came along and they fell in love with each other. That hurt me and hurt me bad. Im jealoud and angry at that fact, if i was a true friend as i claim to be i would be happy for them but im not. But since im a freak of nature it didnt stop there. I started to make chat names/clones of myself and others as if i was osmeone else and started making it out that someone was trying to split me and X up and make us fall out. Then i started making names up and making it out that i was a friend of X and that he was involved when he wasnt, i did this to try and split them up...i said some nasty things and evil things. I was angry, it should of been me not him. A normal perosn wouldnt do that, im not a normal and i hate being this person...when i got caught out i denyed everything, even made them out to be the bad people when in fact they are not. They know i did it but i still deny it. I have caused pain and suffering towards 2 close friends and i hate myself for it. I knew i was doing wrong but i still did it anyways. Thats isnt normal, a normal person wouldnt do things like that. I want to be normal, i dont want ot be this f*cking freak anymore, i want to be an honest, kind non-selfisha nd loving perosn and i cant seem to change. Ive spent years causing dishonesty and pain to other, ive speant years judging others....so now im posting on here so I CAN BE JUDGED i deserve it. I dont deserve the things i got. When i was even younger i hurt and bullied a few people who were alot younger than me because they couldnt defend themself properly. And i got a kick out of it. Ive lost good close friends because of what an ar*sehole i am. I seem to hurt people close to me and the ones i love. Im a sick person and a freak. Ive been on other sites but no one takes me seriously. I want to change! i hate what i am!
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