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uconfesshens, Male, 32, USA, Boston

I basically feel like i have nowhere else to turn so I thought id tell you all my story. I'm 18 and i will be going off to a well known college next year as a freshman. My life has been easy (pretty much a cinderella story cept im a dude) - adopted at birth, only child, EXTREMELY loving family, private schools all my life and all that business. The one problem: I have had a compulsion for looking up and seeking out online porn since i was about 9 years old. Has it messed me up? yes. permanently? i hope not. but I feel sinful, which i suppose i am. Today, after almost 10 years off and on of seeking out erotic material, i realized how much porn exploits women. Its gotten to the point where I almost set up a session with a local escort to have sex, but i hung up the phone before she answered. I need to stop before I hurt myself, my family, my reputation, or even worse, an innocent person. I feel like a shit human being, but even worse is I feel I cant tell anyone about my dirty little secret except for all of you. I hide behind the anonymity (sp) of this website to tell my story andhopefully find relief. Thank God for youall. I feel like im unforgivable, like Jesus has tried to save me many times before but i ignored him. I'm catholic, btw. but not a practicing one. I feel spiritually connected to my God, the Christian God and his son Jesus, but i just dont know where foregiveness comes from. I wish I could just meet all of these girls, these daughters, these sisters face to face and tell them how deeply sorry i am that I exploited them and masturbated to them, but the truth is I cant. I am an asshole, and realizing this makes me feel like a shitty human being because I cannot make up and personally repent the sins I have committed. ONly through prayer can I truly cleanse myself but so far prayer has only made me feel worse because i am not worthy of His forgiveness. will you forgive me? better yet, will you help me? this community is probably my last shot at a second lease on life.

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