Love Confession

im a fake.

x0shelby27, Female, 19, USA, Long Beach

okay; to understand how horrible this is i have to start about two months back. i was seriously talking to a guy but he had just come out of a bad relationship & said he wasnt ready for a girlfriend. so in the meantime we were just fuckbuddies. well about a month after he told me he didnt want a girlfriend i started to get seriously involved with a new guy. but i still loved the other man. . .lets call him um. .nick & the guy i was getting involved with. . .andrew. okay anyway andrew and i quickly became really serious and were constantly with each other. but nick & i were still very close friends. one friday night andrew & i were going to the movies & nick called and had had a horrible day and i was like you need to get out of the house just come to the movies with us. & so he got there and as soon as i saw him all the old emotions and insane love for him rushed back. half way through the movie he asked is he could talk to me for a second & i said sure. we hadnt even made it out of the theatre yet when we were making out and his hands were down my pants. But after about 10 mins i realized that should andrew ever find out about it, it would break his heat & i couldnt do that. so right as i pushed nick off me andrews best friend ryan walked in. & of course it didnt take much to figure out what happened. so i go back up to sit with andrew & nick left. i didnt really think much of it until the next day when one of ryan & andrews friends call me & bitch at me for cheeating. so i called andrew right away & said look ryan just walked in at the wrong moment & nick tried to do stuff but i didnt let him blah blah blah. i just fed him bullshit until he believed me. so i thought everything was solved. . .oh no. it wasnt. nick slipped & told one of andrews friends what we did & she told other people who were friends with andrew. I realized quikly that andrew was the only one that i want & i regretted hooking up with nick more than ANYTHING. I would have dont ANYTHING IN THE WORLD to take it back. but that was obviously not an option. so over the past month i have continually lied to andrew over & over. i feed him so much bullshit. im terrified of losing him. & after that i stopped talking to nick, i knew he would be my downfall. & last week we started talking again & i realize how much i STILL love him. we were planning on getting married. & i blew that off. i want so badly to have them both. what do i do? neither of them knows that im with the other. who do i choose?? someone please give me advie. . .

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