Confession

Im Going Back To My ED

YouDontKnowMe, Female, 21, USA, New York

Mom died 2 months ago and she was the only support I had in this house. Now you two just hurt me every day. I know things will never be the same. But i feel like all of a sudden im a waste of space. Like you are so dissapointed i took the rest of the semester off. Im sorry but MOM DIED. I cant go to school with that mind numbing pain and expect to pass. All my professors understood, recommended i take the semester off. And you act like im not tough enough to get through it.

You blatantly tell me my best isnt good enough, that i do nothing to help this family, that im spoiled. You never cared about what i went through when i was diagnosed with depression 4 years ago and anorexia years ago. You just thought iw as fucked up. You didnt think to support me, you just figured i was crazy. Mom was the only one who supported me in this house. And my friends. You wonder why i go out all the time. Because i don't feel any love at home.

And ive been struggling so much ive gone back to my eating disorder. I lost 5 lbs in 1 week already. I am back to avoiding meals and hiding my eat habits because i feel like shit. And i don't really care right now. I am hurting so much and you just contribute to it.

A part of me is doing this to spite you.

I know it's wrong but i don't care.

I cry every single day because i feel like im in a living hell.

I wish mom was still here. She was all I had.

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Comments By Other Users

carefulORgetHURT, Female, 24, USA, Aurora

27-7-2007

I am SO SO sorry you lost your mother. What a HARD thing to go through! I am also SO VERY sorry that you are not getting the support you need and are instead getting criticized. I think you have gone back to your ED because it is the only thing you can control right now. I am sorry you have started to do this... I hope that you will realize that in the end you are hurting yourself by doing this. I am not saying its going to be easy or that you are going to be able to quit overnight... but work hard to fight your way through this rough time and get yourself in a better place, even if it takes longer than you want it to. I turned to drugs at one point in my life when I was having family problems and after a while I finally realized I have ONLY myself to rely on and I am hurting myself with the drugs so I eventually stopped and decided to move forward. The best revenge is to become happy... work hard until you can get out on your own and be able to concentrate on only yourself. Work hard on your happiness. The ones who are putting you down are not happy people either, and they will only drag you down with them so you have to help yourself!! I know its easier said than done, and it will take time... but ONLY YOU can help yourself!!

carefulORgetHURT, Female, 24, USA, Aurora

27-7-2007

Dainagirl24, Female, 25, USA, Waycross

4-6-2007

i dont know if u ever read my comments but hope ur doing ok. losing ur mom is hard,very hard and u'll never be the same but time can ease the pain but never get rid of it. i love u and take care sweetheart daina

Dainagirl24, Female, 25, USA, Waycross

7-5-2007

sounds like ur a butt kisser in the biggest way. just quit kissing everyone's ass and start living 4 u

smokalot, Male, 26, Canada, novar

24-4-2007

its terrible that your not getting the support you need at home, losing a mother is very difficult to deal with. Just kno that your mom loves you and wants you to be happy. so stay strong and don't let negative people that don't understand what your going thru bring u down. good friends are very important at times like this. happyness is in your future, be strong

Dainagirl24, Female, 25, USA, Waycross

24-4-2007

take the semister off. losing someone close to u is the hardest thing u could go thru. ur doing everything u can and i understand the pain in ur situation. if some can just pick up and go on then i'm happy they can,but for those of us it really stops in our tracks, just us deal in our own way. i'm sorry bout ur mom sweetheart, i lost mine to but i never knew her or my dad wen they died i was 5 yrs old, but i have lost relatives close to me.

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