Confession

Sorry

KX155, Female, 28, Australia, Melbourne

This is to you because I know you're out there somewhere. Do I think too much?Do I give you more credit than you deserve? Really, your memory was too short.
Youve inspired me, to say the least. All the angst you've given me has turned out for great writing.
I cant hope that you're reading this, that you'd recognise me if you were....That you'd understand or care.
But for what its worth, Im saying sorry. Sorry for all the things I did to you, even if you would never say sorry for what you did to me.
Not that you deserve it. Why do I even care? So many years later, and you're still on my mind. I havnt seen you, you disgusting excuse for a human being. Ive got a good man, a life thats so different and better and fuller.
Yet you haunt me. Late at night. In quiet moments. Youre there. Whispering. Why? Whats undone? I know, of course, but it doesnt need to be finished does it? Obviously you dont care...You're not looking for me, or Id have heard.
I think I give you far too much credit a lot of the time...But then I think, you had to know me, didnt you, and know me well, to play me how you played me. I think you know me better than I know you.
I just cant get over it - the unfinished business. The longer my life goes on the more I have to lose and the more dangerous you become. I keep thinking you're going to leap out at me...Show up at the strangest moment. Not because of the reasons most people give...
Im pretty sure I know what youve become. Im pretty sure I know whats going to happen, next time you see me.
Youre my enemy because you are so like me. I see the worst of myself in you, like a reflection in a broken mirror, and I hate it, I hate that we are alike -
In a way no one has ever been like me.
Yet you are my anti thesis too - you do things that disgust and horrify me. I know that my imagination is much kinder than you could ever be.
But why do I keep thinking about it? Why do I keep purging the same shit about you (because theres nothing new) and still not ever getting over it?
Wherever you are, I still think about you. If I am right and you think about me, well....We'll meet again. Of that I am sure. Im not looking forward to it...Its going to hurt, but I cant help but be excited at the prospect of having it over,
Over.
Can it ever be truly over?

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