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Love Confession

Confused...

OnlyONE, Male, 37, Canada, Burnaby

I am in a very confusing situation right now.
I have a girlfriend, whom I love with all my heart. The only problem is that lately she's been acting overly "clingy" to me.

She always calls me, follows me, wants to know where I am, tries to tell me what to do/make me do what she wants to, and a few other things that I don't see as "abnormal" or anything...and I still love her dearly.

The only problem, is that I also love my best friend.

I met her through circumstances that could not be avoided, and since the moment I saw her, I've been captivated by her. The way she laughs, talks, looks, the talent she has, EVERYTHING about her, I love.

It's a confusing situation for me, though. Because sometimes I feel like even though I love my girlfriend, it would be best if we broke up. Not to get me wrong, I DO love her, but the only reason I feel, sometimes, that we should break up, is because I know that if anything DOES HAPPEN between us that is NOT a good thing, she'll do something REALLY bad to herself (she's EXTREMELY emotional sometimes).

Other times, I want to leave her just because I want to be with my best friend, and have HER love me. But I do not think that that is feasable...under the circumstances, that is. And I would NEVER cheat on EITHER of them.

Which is why I am so confused...
If I TELL my best friend my feelings for her, and confess to her what they are, then chances are my girlfriend will find out, because they talk on Facebook ALL the time as well (I believe she only started talking to my best friend, because I kept telling her about the stuff we talked about that was so amusing/light-hearted).

If I tell my best friend about my TRUE feelings for her, then my girlfriend may find out, ruining a relationship (possibly two) with people I GENUINELY LOVE.
If I do NOT tell my best friend, it will continue to eat me up inside, until I'm hollowed out, and become sick.

To make matters worse, and even MORE stressful for me, I have reason to believe that my best friend has feelings for me as well, because of the way that we act around each other, the way that she stares at me when she thinks I don't see her and when I look at her, she looks down and away, and the way that she treats me.

It is all very VERY confusing for me...and I don't know what to do...


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Comments By Other Users

Cranky, Female, 45, USA, Bull 27-2-2008
Your girlfriend might suspect something is amiss with you and that is why she is suddenly so clingy. Its called womens intuition. Its not fair to stay with your girlfriend while your in love with someone else. Pick one and go with it. If it doesn't work out there are tons of fish in the sea.


imaperson, Female, 33, USA, Notsayin 21-2-2008
My situation is very similar to yours. The first difference is that I’m a girl who loves her boyfriend soooo much. But I also love my best friend. Now I’m not sure who you knew first, but I knew my best friend first. This is relevant for one reason. Once I started dating my boyfriend of three and a half years, I was no longer looking at guys, I was set. However, I already had feelings for my best friend, and it was too late to change those feelings. At first, it was easy to forget about my best friend in that way, with “new love” and all. But, as time went by, my feelings for my best friend started to reappear. Here’s the big difference between you and me, and my confession- I acted upon my feelings for him. Or maybe I should say he made the move. Either way, I kissed him. At first, I felt really guilty. However, eventually what happened was that I wanted more. And in time, I got more. Only, by this point, he was dating one of my female best friends. We made out a few times, and did some sexual things together (but not all the way). For a long time, I wondered if I was with the right person. So, I talked to my best friend. I mean REALLY talked. I asked him what it is about us that won’t let me move on. We figured out what it is that we have, and that is an unbelievable passion. At least that’s what he told me. If he lied to me so that I can go on living happily, I don’t know. If he did, he’s a better friend than I even realized. Anyway, that’s it, just passion. Sometimes you just have great chemistry with someone, and you are really attracted to them. Maybe it will never go away. But, a relationship takes more than chemistry. I believe I have better chemistry with my best friend, but I know that we are both too passionate and too stubborn to make it last forever. I’m still super happy with my boyfriend, and I know that I would be happy with him forever. Am I happy I did the things I did with my best friend? Or do I regret it? I’m really not sure. But now, I’m over it, and I’m very happy just being best friends with him. Maybe you have to go through what I went through, maybe you can avoid all the lying, I don’t know. But I’ve found that the most important thing was talking to my best friend. If you let her know that you are confiding in her, your best friend, I’m sure she won’t say anything to your girlfriend. But you’ve got to talk to her, it is way too stressful to keep all of those feeling inside of you. Maybe she’ll say she doesn’t feel that way about you. Then, it will be easy to get over it. If she does feel the same way about you, then maybe it’s just passion. I don’t know. But I would say that you definitely need to talk to her. Also, if your girlfriend is a bit clingy, talk to her too, but be SUPER sensitive. But you seem like a sweet guy, I’m sure you already know that. ;-)


blaaa279, Female, 40, United Kingdom, newcastle 19-2-2008
Break up with your girlfriend, dont tell your friend for awhile, see how she acts around you




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