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For Give Me For being a horrible person

forgiveme, Male, 41, India, Bombay

God I don’t know what you think about me, but I am quite sure what I am. I don’t remember I have ever done a good thing to anybody, I don’t remember I have ever done a thing which is sin free. What a fool I was, believe me I didn’t know that those things are going to give me this much pain and sufferings. You must be knowing of what I am talking about, all those horrible things I have done in my childhood and teenage. When I look back and do a little retrospection I feel like a living dead, I realize that how bad I was and I am now. I did all those things about which I can’t even think, I try to forget all that but how can one runaway from his own history. Those thoughts are like an old viral infection which is killing my spirit from inside. I lie to my parents every day that I am fine and healthy which is not true. I am badly sick and so much sick that I feel like I am not in world any more. I move around like a zombie, I don’t feel live anymore. I am just a puppet with no future. I know that you know what I am trying to say, the thing is so bad that I can’t even say it to you. I am cheater and liar and realized it now that for short term gains you should not jeopardize you future. I know saying all this now doesn’t mean anything, nothing is going to change. I know I can’t get a second chance in life. Everything is gone now, and I don’t feel like walking anymore with this load on my shoulders. I am tired of being pretending to be happy and nice. Nobody can imagine how I feel from inside, I hate myself so much that may be one day I don’t know I can hurt myself. Whenever I look around I saw smiling face everybody seems to be so happy and than I think why these are people so happy why can’t I be like them what did is do that my life is so miserable. Than I remember my old days and say to my self yes I got the answer why I am not happy. Some said very right that you can’t runaway from your doings, one or another day they will come after you and stab you in your back and that is the moment you start regretting and asking God for help. Please God I know I don’t deserve anything from you but I have heard that if somebody confesses his sins God always try to help him. Today I am confessing everything, please forgive me if possible. You know god I got a punishment already than why more suffering and misery. May be this is what God decided for me. People say that God have plans for everybody, now I have to see what worse can happen to me.
Forgive me if you can,
Thanks for giving me an opportunity to write something for you God.

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Comments By Other Users

ian, Male, 56, United Kingdom, Hereford 14-2-2008
Sounds to me like you're depressed mate. I'd seek some medical help. You are probably just getting things out of proportion. Chin up, life will get better, we've all done things we regret, that's how we become better people. Take the pain and use it for good. Or strive to, we can never attain what we seek, it's the seeking that's important. Be true, you need not fail.

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