Confession

along with the other confession

lilmisschaos, Female, 18, USA, Iowa

I need you to hang out with me this weekend. I need you to be my boyfriend and tell me it's going to be ok. I want to go out and party with my ex/fuckbuddy again. I need you to stop me. I know I'll do it again. It makes me feel alive. Like I'm not so empty. I need you to help me feel this way without my ex/fuckbuddy, drugs, and alcohol. I used to feel alive. Like life was worth living. Now I'm not so sure. Life just seems like a big waste. Sometimes I wish I could end it all. I can't though. I don't really believe in God or the devil. But what if they're real? I don't want to go to hell. It'd be selfish of me to leave you behind. I'd be taking to pathetic way out. The cowardly weak way. I can't kill myself for so many reasons, but for all these reasons there are reasons for why I should. I'm just so lost and confused... I feel crazy.

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