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3 confessions =[

itaske, Female, 35, USA, Darien

1- I don't know why but basically all my life I have made up all these lies about my family and my past
some times i even wish that my sister or my mother would die just so i could cry and get attention for it
the funny part is that I despise attention and hate when people try to comfort me when I am upset. Most of the time i just wish everybody would disappear; being alone is amazing
but i still wish that terrible things in my life could happen just so i could cause a scene
sometimes i wonder if i have a split personality; one side loves attention the other hates it
all i know is something is completely wrong with me

2- Even though i claim to be straight edge, everyday, i get cravings to smoke and drink. i think its because my dad smokes and is an alcoholic and same with my sister. i just want more than anyhting to have a cigarette (i have never smoked or drank before once)
I feel as if i'm not really straightedge because i want to do these things and i feel like i am insulting and lying to everyone when i say i am

3- theres a guy that i was in love with last year and i claim to still be in love with but i wonder if i really love him or what
because i mean,, over the last year and a half, he has changed from the dark haired, pale, anime loving, er... "emo" kid
to a total hippie who is nothing like he used to be
it's like i love someone who isn't even existent anymore

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