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Love Confession

Internet Love

Garbo, Female, 32, USA, Los ANgeles

I have longed for someone to love all my life, as anyone really. My life has been filled with pain. I am a survivor of destructive parents. I was physically, mentally, abused by both of them. My siblings who were older than me were also abused so in turn they abused me-sexually and emotionally. During this very difficult time as a kid, I used my imagination to help me escape. During my abuse, I would close my eyes and think about beautiful far off places, open fields where I could play and be happy. As I grew, I was so ashamed and felt so dirty I began to lie to myself and others. I Began to lie about my family because I was ashamed and scared to share such ugly truths. I have kept a distance from people and have no friends or lovers because due to fear of being asked questions about my childhood and upbringing as well as being afraid of enjoying a healthy sex life because I feel guilty and fear of being rejected by a partner for having so many negtive things....

Recently I have made an effort to begin searching for a mate-I began online, and met some people, it was like practice for me, before I actually met them or actively went out to find and connect with someone in person...I was begining to feel at ease chatting with different people when I met someone who was quite rude initially... but the more we talked the more i UNDERSTOOD this person was a lot like me. I understood by the chats we had online that this person was also holding back,..but at heart was a good person just afraid....the person revealed so much to me and all I have done is lied. I have lied about who I am and where I am from, where I work and what my profession is, I feel horrible because this person has had a very difficult life and It took a lot for them to open up to me-I do not want them to loose hope as the world has not been kind. The person now is in LOVE with me-completely in LOVE and I Love them tooI feel a strong sense of understanding and mutual respect for our feelings for we have been through a lot in our lives-I just do not know what to do??? How do I say I am not who I have claimed to be? I am afraid of loosing the person to anger and a broken heart? I have never lied about my feelings, I have tried to find a solution and I keep being asked to meet...This is absolute torture what do I do?

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